He heard old Screwby oft supply'd the needs
Of broken rakes, who had good title deeds.
So he bunch'd up two packets, like in shape,
Ty'd in blue paper with a silken tape :
One deeds of lands, seven hundred pounds a year,
The other parchments old and cancell'd were.
The genuine packet he to Screwby took,
Who hem'd and haw'd, and thro' the whole did look
He lik'd the ware — and after coughing twice,
With twang of nose, he query'd thus o'th' price.
And pray, my lord, what may you
want on these?
One thousand pounds, old father, if you please ;
And in the morning
this day week, at nine,
A thousand more — security
My lord — a mortgage — mortgages I want,
grow ; — and money's wondrous scan :
On these fair
terms, a thousand down I'll
And the remainder
So Screwby counts the cash ; the deeds secures
My lord wheels
off to gambling, rakes, and whores.
Time on his wings brings the appointed
On which his lordship doth the visit pay ;
Who in his pocket takes
the feigned deeds,
Besides the thousand
The usual compliments no sooner past,
My lord, in bustle,
seem'd to be in haste :
Come, Mr. Screwby — come, the writings soon,
let me see if honesty
Old Screwby then lays down the mortgage deeds ;
His lordship dams
each article he reads,
And throws them down : — old Screwby all
thus broke out at last.
My lord, there's no man — no man, on my word,
lend his cash ; — and not be sure, my lord.
dam your Surety: these I'll never sign ;
Hero take your trash; — and
give me what is mine.
Old Screwby scratching both his elbows, said,
lord, for writings five pounds must be paid.
Here 'tis ; but give
me first of all
Thou hast the
cash, and mortgage deeds are thine.
But they're not signed, and so not worth a straw;
Nor ever shall be whilst my breath I draw.
My lord took up, and
found the writings
tied them up
again in Screwby's sight,
And in his pocket whore th' sham writings
He put them close, and coolly bad — good-day.
Griev'd to the soul, old Screwby sore did fret,
he vou'd not this precious morsel get:
His stick he takes — his greasy
and limp'd hard out of door
After his lordship : Ho — my lord — ho
Pray what's to do,
old father grey-beard now?
If''t please you, Sir, what must I give in hand,
you to sign, and let this bargain stand?
Two hundred pounds — : besides
two thousand down,
And then I'll sign, — the mortgage deeds your own.
Come back, my lord — : for witnesses
Sign you and seal, and so this job we'll end.
Gripe now in stretched bags of solid sounds,
table set twenty-two hundred pounds.
His lordship throws the mimic
thus each face
has banish'd ev'ry frown.
The mortgage deeds are executed fair,
put's th' old parchments in his bosom bare ;
Whilst solid gold my
lugs to his chaise,
And makes it fly
whores, and plays.
The new-made deeds so fill'd old Screwby's head,
the false writings never once were read
'Till two months past;
and then he
deeds of all the mortgag'd lands.
When lo ! old leases, with
determin'd dates ;
Some cancell'd bonds ; parchments of law debates,
with wonder his old
winking eyes ;
Which made him start from chair in great suiprize
His piss-burnt wig he
wirls upon the ground,
And stamping on't, he wildly stares
What — must our nobles cheat the poor — quo'
And still be screen'd
Must thus the king give titles to the great,
With power to ruin,
Must some pack'd rogues thus plunder all the rest,
And when we're
bankrupts, laugh it into jest?
But I'll have right ; — or
the titled knave,
And sweetly go reveng'd unto my grave.
Old Screwby now is close upon the scent,
place his lordship did frequent.
Some knew the man ; — some knew
he lov'd a whore;
he dy'd six
At last he meets two friends, who testify'd
He very fairly in a
Gripe, full to th' throat, his grief in sighs
burst o'er :
Nor ever thought of his remaining store.
For he by
squeezing rich and poor,
thirty thousand still had left behind :
But yet so hanker'd
after what was gone,
must have that, or else he would have none :
For this lost
sheep was such a fatal blow,
He'd even fetch it from the shades
was resolv'd — :
for loss of pelf:
He hastens home, and there ho hangs
Calm reason judge ; give sentence if thou can,
murder'd most the character of man !